This list was written by my husband and I felt it might help others so I thought I would share it with you.
- Don’t tease her: (Tread lightly here… make very sure that she does not just tolerate teasing, but that she enjoys it, otherwise don’t do it!) This seems to be a favorite past time for husbands. It is a big mistake. If you tell her that you are sorry, and stop doing it, especially when others are teasing her, you will see a big difference in her. She may say it is no big deal, but it is.
- Don’t look at other women twice: (This speaks volumes to her self worth as she perceives it from her husband.) Men are visual. So when you see a pretty gal, don’t look at her again. This will tell your wife of your intentions toward her in a silent way. It will help solidify that you really do think she is beautiful.
- Don’t speak about the attractive attributes of other women: (You are only tearing down what God has given you.) Many couples play this game of discussing who they have secret fantasies about or at the very least who they think is attractive. Let me say one thing to you… keep your mouth shut! If your wife asks you if you think so and so is pretty, this is your response. She’s ok I guess, but not as beautiful as you Hun.
- Don’t talk down to your wife: (If you don’t think you do this, check again, you may be surprised.) Ask her if you ever do this, and don’t respond in anger after you hear the answer.
- Don’t place standards on her that she cannot meet: (Ask her and she will tell you if your standards are too high…this may be different for each wife based on the number of children you have, her health, finances, etc.) Your wife already feels that she can’t do it well enough. The enemy is screaming in her ear “ You’re a failure!” She has a hard time ignoring the enemy, and it doesn’t help when you join him.
- Don’t have friends of the opposite sex: ( Office, church, social circle.. When you marry your wife, she is to be the only woman that has access to your heart. The world says that you can still “be friends with women” “It’s innocent” Do not give place to what seems like an innocent friendship. The enemy is lurking and scheming to “Kill, Steal, and Destroy”)
- Don’t treat her or the children harshly: (This will provoke her or your children to wrath and you will lose their hearts.)
- Don’t micromanage her, or treat her like a child: (Trust in her, and allow her to express the gifts that God has given to her as a woman.)
- Don’t make disparaging remarks, or comments about her body: (She has given birth to your children, and sacrificed herself to serve you and the family. Can you fit into your old high school jeans?…I didn’t think so!)
- Don’t let her lead: (Be a man and step up to the plate! It doesn’t matter how stupid you think you are… God has a plan and it’s time you get on board. He knows what he’s doing. Remember - Lead like a Shepherd, don’t Rule like a Butcher.)
- Don’t make her work outside the home: (From the beginning Mans’ curse has been to “Toil the field” not Woman’s. Unless you want your wife to contend with you, and act like a man, you will stay far away from mixing gender roles, and perverting what God has commanded with the enemy’s lie.)
- Don’t place the children above your wife’s well being: In the world’s wisdom, the children are the focus of the family. “It’s all about the children” I see families focused on the children’s schooling, athletics, or needs and desires. This is a lie from the Devil that is tearing apart marriages. I have seen many marriages fall apart after the kids are gone because the foundation of a Godly Marriage was never there to begin with.
- If you home school, don’t place the children’s academics above your wife’s well-being: (This is outside the order God has set up for the family, and will discourage your wife as well. The Bible is clear that children are a blessing to the parents and not the other way around. This will put you on the fast track of destroying your marriage for the sake of homeschooling.)
- Don’t worship her: (The world deems this as a wonderful compliment. God hates this! This is outside Gods plan and it violates HIS commandment. Worship and serve HIM, and she will be served.)
Written by Eric Engle