Thursday, October 6, 2011

Discontentment in Your Marriage

Have you ever been disappointed by your husband?  Hurt by his actions?  Felt angry or unloved by him?  If you’ve been married for longer than a day then I am sure the feeling of discontentment has occurred in your marriage!

Look at your husband through lenses that are tinted with graciousness.

Marriages are far from perfect.  Combine a man and wife- two sinners.  Mix in a cup of misunderstandings, raising kids, dealing with in-laws and facing trials.  Stir in a heaping of heartache.  Then add the Enemy.  What do you get?  A tough marriage frosted with discontentment. 

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.  Look at Adam and Eve before sin even entered into the world.  As I stated in my last post titled, Dealing with Discontentment, Eve was discontent when she ate the forbidden fruit.  Imagine what their life was like after they got kicked out of the garden?  They were going to have some serious marital issues!  

Then there's Job's wife who had everything a woman could ever want.  A righteous man.  A family.  Wealth.  Health.  Reputation.   

But then Mr. and Mrs. Job lost it all it.  

So, how did the sweet and loving wife respond to her husband as he was clinging to the Lord in the midst of all the sorrow upon sorrow?

Did she pray with him or for him?  No!
Did she encourage him?  No!
Did she comfort him?  No!
Did she do her best to build him up?  No!
Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!"  Job 2:9

Job’s wife was certainly discontent with the way her life was turning out and unfortunately, she took it out on her husband. 

As wives, we can easily become discontent with so many things about our husbands.  Here’s a short list and I am sure you could add to it!

·       How much time he spends at work (or doesn’t work).
·       How much money he makes.
·       How much time he spends with his family.
·       How he spends time fostering his relationship with the Lord (or doesn't spend).
·       How he spiritually leads (or doesn’t lead) the family.
·       How he parents the children.
·       How he spends his free time.
·       How he spends or saves money.
·       How he handles outside relationships (with in-laws or friends.)
·       How he treats you.

When your marriage is not all that you hoped it to be, it is easy for discontentment to seep into your thoughts, actions and attitudes as you go through life.  Be careful here because these thoughts can grow so fast and so deep that suddenly the roots can take hold and destroy your marriage.

Don’t look to your husband to be Superman, that’s Jesus’ role.

Our men are human beings; imperfect sinners who fall down and disappoint others.  (Just like us!)

God created our husbands to have a helper (that would be you for your husband!) and our husbands need us to be their biggest cheerleaders, ESPECIALLY when they have fallen.  They need to know that we will be by their side cheering them on and letting them know we believe in them.  They need to know that we respect them and they need to know that we forgive them when they do fall. 

What they do not need to hear from us is, ‘curse God and die’.  Now, we may not say those exact words like Job’s wife, but our actions and words most certainly can communicate that to our husbands.

Here are some things you can put into practice to protect your marriage from discontentment.
·       Change your focus from what you are not getting out of your marriage and put your eyes on the Lord.
·       Ask your husband to forgive you for your discontentment towards him, because I am sure he knows how you feel!
·       Confess your sins of selfishness and self-entitlement.
·       Guard your tongue from complaining. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”  Proverbs 31:26
·       Find some ways to encourage and minister to your husband today.
Let him know you are praying for him and that you support him. 
Make him one of his favorite meals.
Ask him how you can help him.
For some wives, you may just need to keep your mouth shut! A gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of God! 1 Peter 3:4 (my paraphrase)

The more you do these things, the better and stronger your marriage will become.  Your repeated actions will turn to habit, which in turn will start to develop your Godly character, which will ultimately make a great impact on your marriage.  “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.”  2 Peter 1:5-7

Our words to our men can either build them up or tear them down. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.  Proverbs 14:1

Dwelling on what one does not have, will not create contentment.  Instead, dwell on the good that you do have in your man.

Here's one last thing that you can do to ward off discontentment in your marriage:  
Look at your husband through eye wear glasses that have lenses that are tinted with graciousness.  Here's what the 'gracious' lenses look like:
Life is not perfect.  My husband is not perfect.  I am not perfect.  But CHRIST is!  

You will find contentment in your marriage when you look to Christ and not at your husband's shortcomings.


You can find more posts on marriage at the Time-Warp Wife for the 31 Days of Love, Marriage Challenge.  You can find me guest posting over there this coming Saturday, October 8th.  Look for my post titled, "Who Is On the Throne In Your Marriage?"

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