Who Is On the Throne in Your Marriage?

Today I am guest posting over at the Time-Warp Wife.  I'll be writing on, "Who Is On the Throne in Your Marriage?"  I hope you stop by and join me!

 

Top 15 Things a Woman Can Do to Strengthen Her Marriage

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, 
but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. 
Proverbs 12:4

1. Respect your husband
…and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

2. Believe in him

3. Encourage him

4. Follow him

5. Make him Number #1 in your family life (little lord, after your Lord and Savior)

…being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 1 Peter 3:5,6

6. Help him and serve him

Desire your husband

And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

7. Accept him

8. Desire him

9. Forgive him- let things go (bitterness)

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14

10. Don’t treat him like a child; you are not his mother, you are his wife.

11. Be content with how much money he makes

12. Be content with his parenting skills

13. Be content with his walk with the Lord (aka, his ability to be the spiritual leader of the home)
Now godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

14. Be a godly wife; your conduct will help your husband rise to the challenge/occasion of being a more godly husband.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1

15. Leave and cleave; make sure you share your heart with your husband more than with anyone else, including your mother, sister, friends, etc.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Written by Jolene Engle

Copyright 2010

Discontentment in Your Marriage

Have you ever been disappointed by your husband?  Hurt by his actions?  Felt angry or unloved by him?  If you’ve been married for longer than a day then I am sure the feeling of discontentment has occurred in your marriage!

Look at your husband through lenses that are tinted with graciousness.

Marriages are far from perfect.  Combine a man and wife- two sinners.  Mix in a cup of misunderstandings, raising kids, dealing with in-laws and facing trials.  Stir in a heaping of heartache.  Then add the Enemy.  What do you get?  A tough marriage frosted with discontentment. 

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.  Look at Adam and Eve before sin even entered into the world.  As I stated in my last post titled, Dealing with Discontentment, Eve was discontent when she ate the forbidden fruit.  Imagine what their life was like after they got kicked out of the garden?  They were going to have some serious marital issues!  

Then there's Job's wife who had everything a woman could ever want.  A righteous man.  A family.  Wealth.  Health.  Reputation.   

But then Mr. and Mrs. Job lost it all it.  

So, how did the sweet and loving wife respond to her husband as he was clinging to the Lord in the midst of all the sorrow upon sorrow?

Did she pray with him or for him?  No!

Did she encourage him?  No!

Did she comfort him?  No!

Did she do her best to build him up?  No!

Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!"  Job 2:9

Job’s wife was certainly discontent with the way her life was turning out and unfortunately, she took it out on her husband. 

As wives, we can easily become discontent with so many things about our husbands.  Here’s a short list and I am sure you could add to it!

·       How much time he spends at work (or doesn’t work).

·       How much money he makes.

·       How much time he spends with his family.

·       How he spends time fostering his relationship with the Lord (or doesn't spend).

·       How he spiritually leads (or doesn’t lead) the family.

·       How he parents the children.

·       How he spends his free time.

·       How he spends or saves money.

·       How he handles outside relationships (with in-laws or friends.)

·       How he treats you.

When your marriage is not all that you hoped it to be, it is easy for discontentment to seep into your thoughts, actions and attitudes as you go through life.  Be careful here because these thoughts can grow so fast and so deep that suddenly the roots can take hold and destroy your marriage.

Don’t look to your husband to be Superman, that’s Jesus’ role.

Our men are human beings; imperfect sinners who fall down and disappoint others.  (Just like us!)

God created our husbands to have a helper (that would be you for your husband!) and our husbands need us to be their biggest cheerleaders, ESPECIALLY when they have fallen.  They need to know that we will be by their side cheering them on and letting them know we believe in them.  They need to know that we respect them and they need to know that we forgive them when they do fall. 

What they do not need to hear from us is, ‘curse God and die’.  Now, we may not say those exact words like Job’s wife, but our actions and words most certainly can communicate that to our husbands.

Here are some things you can put into practice to protect your marriage from discontentment.

·       Change your focus from what you are not getting out of your marriage and put your eyes on the Lord.

·       Ask your husband to forgive you for your discontentment towards him, because I am sure he knows how you feel!

·       Confess your sins of selfishness and self-entitlement.

·       Guard your tongue from complaining. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”  Proverbs 31:26

·       Find some ways to encourage and minister to your husband today.

Let him know you are praying for him and that you support him. 

Make him one of his favorite meals.

Ask him how you can help him.

For some wives, you may just need to keep your mouth shut! A gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of God! 1 Peter 3:4 (my paraphrase)

The more you do these things, the better and stronger your marriage will become.  Your repeated actions will turn to habit, which in turn will start to develop your Godly character, which will ultimately make a great impact on your marriage.  “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.”  2 Peter 1:5-7

Our words to our men can either build them up or tear them down. The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.  Proverbs 14:1

Dwelling on what one does not have, will not create contentment.  Instead, dwell on the good that you do have in your man.

Here's one last thing that you can do to ward off discontentment in your marriage:  

Look at your husband through eye wear glasses that have lenses that are tinted with graciousness.  Here's what the 'gracious' lenses look like:

Life is not perfect.  My husband is not perfect.  I am not perfect.  But CHRIST is!  

You will find contentment in your marriage when you look to Christ and not at your husband's shortcomings.

 

You can find more posts on marriage at the Time-Warp Wife for the 31 Days of Love, Marriage Challenge.  You can find me guest posting over there this coming Saturday, October 8th.  Look for my post titled, "Who Is On the Throne In Your Marriage?"

Were you encouraged by what you read?  Become a 'friend' or subscribe to The Alabaster Jar where future posts will be emailed directly to you. 

I am linked up with:

Marriage Challenge

Need some encouragement or guidance in your marriage?  Join the Time-Warp Wife for her, "31 Days of Love" Marriage Challenge.  It starts today and runs until the end of October!

Bringing a Gift of Love is the first post of this series, written by the Time-Warp Wife, herself!

Look for my post, Who's On the Throne in Your Marriage? during this series.  It will be featured next Saturday, October 8th.

Why God Has Not Called Me to Get a Job (Part 3)

Should you get a job in this declining economy?  That's the question of the day to the married woman with children.  

I am going to dive right into the biblical verses to help you with your decision.  If you have not read Part 1 and Part 2 of Why God Has Not Called Me to Get a Job, please take the time to read them so you'll know where I’m coming from.

For many days now I have prayed for the Lord to guide me as I write this post because I know some women may be angry and perhaps even a bit offended by what I write, however, that is not my intention.   I am sure there are many of God’s beautiful and wonderful daughters out there working real hard to help provide for their family due to the economy.  There may even be some sisters reading this that may be going on one job interview after another, and others still wondering if they are doing the right thing by not getting a job.  Let me reassure you that I truly do understand your anxieties, fear and pain.

If you haven't been following my story, just this week we moved out of our home that was foreclosed up and the dress you see in this picture is my beautiful wedding dress that was hung to sell at our yard sale a few weekends ago.  Two things I held dearly in my heart are now gone, yet, I have still not gotten a job and below I will explain the Biblical reasons why not.

With sadness in my heart these things are no longer mine. 

First, let me begin by telling you that I am not worthy to type His words, His love, His admonition, His charge, nor His exhortation to you.  Who am I but just another one of His daughters?  Yet, He has called me to write this, a letter that may convict some. “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.”  Hebrews 4:12   

But before I go any further, let me first state that whether we work outside of the home or stay at home, we are all on the same team.  Team Jesus.  Jesus said, "For he who is not against us is on our side.  Mark 9:40

Note:  For the woman who is angry when she reads this: please know that the Word of God does NOT condemn, but rather it convicts the heart as the Holy Spirit moves throughout your soul.  (Satan is the one who condemns.  Jesus NEVER does.)  “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”  Romans 8:1

I want to make sure this counsel and encouragement is very clear.  I am writing to the married woman who is still raising children.

This post is NOT written to:

·       Single women

·       Single mothers

·       Widows

·       Married women with adult children

Let’s dig into God’s Word to help direct us for our role as a mother.  We’re going to start at the beginning of the Bible in the book of Genesis, chapter 3, verse 16:

·       To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."

“In pain you shall bring forth children” is the portion of Scripture that I’d like to discuss right now.  Notice that the verse does not say, ‘babies’?  Generally speaking, when we think of this verse, we just associate it with labor pains as we are about to give birth to a ‘baby’, yet the verse clearly states, 'children', which is obviously older than a baby.  The verse is not referring to labor pains only.  Here's something else for you to ponder...And why would you have sorrow with 'conception'? (unless of course you weren't looking to 'raise' another child!)

Now comes the word ‘sorrow’.  Let me ask you a question.  If you gave birth to a living, breathing baby, did you equate that day as a day of sorrow?  I think not!  The ‘sorrow’ did not come until we started raising the child, (bringing forth, if you will.)  

'In pain and sorrow' is part of the curse for the woman, because we are bringing up ‘children’.  Motherhood is hard work.  We are shaping a child and dealing with their behaviors and attitudes; it's an ongoing process.  If any of you have children, you know that when the baby was born you received them with great joy, not sorrow.  (For those of you who have two year olds or teenagers you might have more sorrow than joy right now.) 

Now the verses below deal with our role and responsibility as a wife and a mother:

·       "She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27

·      “the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-- that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."  Titus 2:3-5

The Word clearly states that as a married woman with children we are called to be homemakers and we are to watch over our household.  Now, in our society that position is frowned upon because the 'world' does not hold that position in high esteem.  If you are a very intelligent person, perhaps you feel like you'd be wasting your time by being a stay at home mom rather than pursuing a career.  Don't be fooled by Satan's lie if you believe that.  Sorry, but society is not very bright! “I, the Lord, speak truth; I declare what is right.”  Isaiah 45:19

Where does it say in the Titus 2:3-5 verses that a woman should be a homemaker ONLY if her husband makes enough money for her to stay at home?  It's not there ladies!  Don't be deceived.  God's Word is clear.

The Almighty God wrote those verses.  The Great I Am etched out His perfect plan for your role as a wife and mother.  Don't just discard it and think that you need to aspire to be something more.  It is not enough for you to be in the center of His will?  “All His words are true.”  Psalm 119:160  

Since I am a married woman with children that I am still raising, I am going to give you the answer as to why God has not called me to get a job....

"so the Word of God is not blasphemed."  Titus 2:5

Bottom line:  if you are married with children that still need to be raised, it is a part of God's plan for you to be the one to raise them.  I tried to tell you earlier that this post might cause you to be angry...I guess I should've told you to have some chocolate by your side while you were reading it!

Just because the economy has changed that does not mean the Word of God has.

The position a wife and mother holds will receive eternal benefits that a paycheck here on earth can never measure up to.

Don’t be misled.  Even if other Christian, married women with children are getting jobs during this economy that does NOT mean its God’s best for your family! 

I know you may feel as if you're drowning, just let go and surrender to Him!  Loosen your control and He’ll rescue you because He is your Life Preserver.  Your faith will go deeper as a result of this.  His glory will be revealed through you and He will do miracles, because He is the Miracle Maker!

You might not think I don't understand your pain and uncertainty.  But I do! I sit here typing this post from my bedroom, but not just any bedroom because this room is not my home but a home of dear sweet friends of ours.  Although I no longer have a house to call my own, I look to the Heavens where my permanent dwelling place will be.

Yes, I can get a job so I can live in my own home and still keep my possessions but I would be outside of God's will for my life and no amount of money and a false sense of security is worth it for me because I would rather be obedient to my Savior, my King and my God.

Take my life Jesus...my dress, my home, my possessions and let it be yours.  Use them for your glory.  Yes, there are tears in my eyes when I type these words but one day every tear of mine will be in His bottle.  He laid His life down for mine and the least I can do is give up a few worldly possessions to be the woman, wife and mother that He has called me to be.  Scars and pain are part of a greater plan.  The narrow path is certainly not the easiest path, but it is the path that will lift Him up for all to see.

Be in prayer about your decision.

Heed His Word because there will be ramifications if you don't.  (I will address the negative impact that working outside of your home can have on your marriage along with the relationship you have with your children at the end of this series.)

Take a leap of faith. 

Be strong in the Lord.

You won't regret it.

Join me soon (from my little bedroom) for Part 4, where I'll address, if your husband wants you to get a job.  Plus, I will tackle the following verses:

·       She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.  Proverbs 31:16

·       She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.  Proverbs 31:24

 

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Why God Has Not Called Me to Get a Job (Part 2)

Well, this sure is a popular topic!  I can't believe how many people have read the first part of this post.  I guess in today's economy it's hard not to be concerned about one's financial situation.  Today we'll pick up on Part 2.  If you missed Part 1 of Why God Has Not Called Me to Get a Job, I encourage you to take 5 minutes to read it here so you’ll know where I’m coming from.

Like a father showing his daughter new things she had never seen, the Lord took my hand and revealed His Truth to me. We walked together, Hand in hand.  I am forever grateful that He didn’t send anyone to minister to me.  He wanted me all to Himself, right by His side so I could learn from the Master himself.

His Word does not return void.  Isaiah 55:11

I almost felt like a young girl climbing up on the Lord’s lap as He was reading me a bedtime story, (although at times it felt more like a horror story!) a story on how to live a God-fearing life as a young woman.  

So from Feb. thru June of 1997, I was unemployed going on one interview after another, only to hear the words “You are over qualified and basically, you can do my job”, or they would tell me I was their second choice.

Hmmm, I wonder if not getting those jobs had anything to do with the fact that before each interview I would pray, “Close this door Lord if this is not the job YOU want me to have.”  Of course that's why!  The Lord was protecting me AND pruning me.  He had just the right job in mind for me, plus He was chipping away at my pride.

During those months I had a lot of free time on my hands so….

I dug into God’s Word.  I got myself a study Bible with a commentary included in it so I could understand the Word better.  I used the concordance at the back of the book although I don’t think I really understood the concept of it too well.  In my mind it was kinda like a dictionary of sorts. 

I did, what I call, my own Bible study for women.  I looked up every passage in the Bible that had the word ‘woman’ or ‘female’ in it to find out what the Word of God had to say about it.  I eventually looked up what the Word had to say about a ‘wife’.  (Deep down inside my heart I had a longing to be married to a wonderful, godly man…hmmm, did that even exist?)

Here’s what I learned:

• ·     And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."  Genesis 2:18  A helper?  What?  I’m not a helper, that role is so beneath me.

•  ·       And the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."  Genesis 3:13  Way to go Eve!  Thanks a lot.   

• ·       To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."  Genesis 3:16  Okay, so kids equate pain and my husband will rule over me??  And why would I want to sign up for this job?   

• ·       “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”  Ephesians 5:22   Ouch!  I need to do what? 

• ·       Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.  Ephesians 5:24

•  ·       Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18

I was finding that the more I read God’s Word, the more I read that a wife was to submit to her husband. Just for the record, I wasn’t too fond of that idea!  I didn’t submit to men.

Well, I thought, I won’t be walking down the aisle anytime soon because I was not about to submit to some idiot that might lead me off the edge of a cliff! 

Then I came across the infamous Proverbs 31 passage.  That was a shocker of a read.  Really, ‘she makes linen garments’?  I didn’t even know how to sew on a button.

•   ·       “The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things-- that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”  Titus 2:3-5  Homemaker?  Really Lord?

I had so much to learn and so much pride that needed to be chipped away. 

So I started to connect the Biblical dots as I applied them to my life and this is what I realized:

• If I made the decision to become a Christian wife, then I was ultimately placing my life into my husband’s hands for him to lead me.  Yea, well I’m not okay with that.  

• I had to be obedient to my husband.  That was funny.  I think I chuckled a little bit when I read that verse, but then I think I got a little angry with God on that one.  (No wedding bells in my future… or so I thought.)

• Then I read that I would be the maid!  I didn’t know how to keep a home.  I certainly didn’t know how to cook either and I wasn't about to learn!

• If I had kids, it would be painful.  It would hurt when I birthed them and I was the one who was supposed to raise them. That was a scary thought!

I fully understood what the Scriptures had to say about the role of a wife so I quickly became content in my singleness stating, “I would rather remain single and serve the Lord than settle for just any man.”  “If and when I say, ‘I Do’, my husband needs to be all that and then some.”

And just for the sake of it, I couldn't keep myself from reading what 'the man' had to do.  What was his curse, role and responsibility?  I found the verse below to be very interesting.  The curse for the man was for him to toil the field, not the woman.  Something I pondered, but nothing I really needed to think about since I wasn’t married. 

And to the man he said, "Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.  Genesis 3:17

All those Scriptures were so much for me to take in.  It was something I needed to learn because based on how society (Satan) pushes a woman to ‘have it all,” you know, the career, the husband, the kids, the house, etc.

I felt that I was raised to be like a man, not a woman.  My desire was to be the woman that God created me to be, not who I created myself to be or who 'the world' says we, as women, should be.

Regardless of how I was raised and what I had pursued for many years, I realized that God was and still is A LOT smarter than I am.  Okay Lord, I will learn to be a Godly woman.  "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.  Psalm 111:10  

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.  Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.  Now I am supposed to have a gentle and quiet spirit as well?  Okay now, that is asking just way too much!  And again, with the stinkin' submissive thing!  Really Lord, how come you have to tell us sooo many times?  (There's actually a reason why, but that will have to wait until I write my posts on Marriage.)

During this time of studying God's Word, I get a job.  Not a job I wanted by the way.  It was, in my opinion, a job that was beneath me.  (chip, chip, chip).  If I remember correctly the way it was advertised it was for a secretarial type position.  I'm not getting some man his coffee, I thought.  I had the job announcement and application in my car for well over a month.  I wasn't interested, yet, I had exhausted all my avenues and the Lord closed all the doors.  I didn't really have a choice so I applied.  

I went to the first interview COMPLETELY uninterested giving short, one word answers.  The Human Resources Director said, "I think you are just what we are looking for."  That's nice, I thought with disgust in my heart.  She had me interview with the Vice President that same day.  (He would be the one I would be getting coffee for.)

As I was ushered into his office, I noticed the Bible verse plaque that was displayed on his desk.  It took my breath away.  I was thrilled to be around another believer, another  follower of Christ.  I interviewed with him.  He tells me I am skilled enough to do his job.  I smile, yet, I started to feel somewhat honored that he said such a kind thing to me. We spoke some more.  He tells me he wants to hire me but he wants to change the position to fit my skills.  Wow!  I was floored.

A few days later I show up for my first day of work but just before I head inside, I am sitting in my car thanking the Lord for the job that He has given me.  I cry because I am sooo humbled and honored that the Lord would have chosen me- a sinner, for a job like this.  So, are you wondering what the job was for?

·       It was for a Christian organization.

·       It employed believers.

·       Daily staff devotions were a part of the 'work' day.

·       They did community outreaches where the Gospel message was presented.

·       They fed the homeless.

·       Gave clothes, shoes and school supplies to needy children.

·       The organization had a mission on skid row in Los Angeles.

God chose me.  The sinner, the proud me, to be a part of His work.

Did I say I was humbled and honored?  

With a humble heart, I gladly served my boss his coffee, (even when he told me not to because he would remind me that I  wasn't his secretary.) (smile)  My response to him:  I am a professional servant for Christ. 

I was in the process of being transformed into a Godly woman....which was a good thing because I met my husband 3 months later.  (Well, that's not quite true, I met him when I was 14 years old and he was my volleyball coach; a coach I never wanted to listen/submit to.) God sure does have a sense of humor!

Join me for Part 3, where I am going to break down some Scriptures and help you apply them to your own life.

 

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Carried to the Cross

"How can I take my children to the Cross when I can’t even get there myself?"

Those were the words that ran through my mind today.

Physically exhausted from all of the packing and purging, cooking and cleaning, laundry and learning.

Mentally overwhelmed because of the road ahead.

More news.  The straw that broke the camel’s back, pierced my soul.

I became spiritually paralyzed.  Numb.  Unable to function.

I make a phone call to my Beloved and share the news with him.  I tell him of my hurting heart.   

My Beloved carried me to the Cross.

We are one.  He knows my fears and insecurities.  He knows what sends me to the dark places.  “And the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  Mark 10:8

Two young souls look on.

“Mommy, what’s wrong, they ask?”

I cry.

They hug me.

I reassure them it has nothing to do with them. 

“Life is just hard right now boys,” I say.

Lord, will life ever get any easier? I wonder.

I don’t want to cause them to stumble in their faith because of how I am handling my struggles and pain.   

I hold on to the promises of the Lord working in their lives as well.

My youngest will be 10 in a few short weeks.  Because we are moving, he is having a difficult time giving up his things.  The home that we're heading to can't fit all of our stuff.  Just things we need and a little bit of what we want, but a life changing move none-the-less.  Hard on the little guy.

My 11 year is starting to doubt that our life will get any easier.  He's struggling with all of the change and letting go of things.  

Over the past few weeks I have reminded them daily that what we do have is most important...Jesus and our family.

God has a great plan for them I know. 

But in that moment of my debilitating pain I couldn’t take them to the Cross. 

My fears:  Are my actions going to cause them to turn their eyes away from the Lord?  Harden their hearts towards God?  Become bitter?  Turn from us when they are older?

They continue to look on. 

“What’s wrong Mommy?” 

Will they see Jesus in me or just my flesh?

How can I take them to the Cross when I can’t get there myself.  The words continue to echo through my mind.

My Beloved comes home. 

He turns on worship and praise music.  He knows what lifts my weary and hurting soul.

He speaks with the boys and listens to their hearts.

They do not want to give their things up.

They do not want to keep moving.

Dinner is shared and prayers are prayed.

My Beloved takes the boys to the Cross as he gives them instructions on being a “Man After God’s Own Heart. 

“David, the man who loved God was also a warrior,” he reminds them.  They know the warrior’s stories well. 

“When David was running from Saul, where did he hide?”  He asked.

“The cave,” was the boys’ response.

“Could David take his bed or his toys with him?” were my Beloved’s words. 

“No,” they said with a smile.

“What happened to David?”  He asked.  “He returned to the palace, but instead of being a servant, he became the King.” 

“We will continue to move as often as the Lord calls us to,” he says. 

He reminds them, “The road ahead will be hard for all of us, but we are warriors.  I need you to be strong.  We will get knocked down a lot, but we need to get up again.”

He shares with them that I got knocked down today.  “But she’ll get back up”, he says, as he looks at me with a smile on his face.

“If you are a warrior for the Lord, your life won't be easy,” he says.  "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.  Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."  Ephesians 6:10-12

He ministers to my soul as he washes me in the Word. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.”  Ephesians 5:25,26

Later, he turns to me and says, “Will you write today?”  He knows when I do, that I am in the presence of the Master. 

I say no, but yet I do, because it is here that I am at His feet; where He is breathing life into my soul.

My Beloved, anointed and appointed by God to be the spiritual leader of the home, carried me to the Cross today.  “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Ephesians 5:23”  

Two warriors together, holding the hands of warriors-in-training, seeking to stand for Christ, even in the midst of pain. 

If you are in Christ, then you, my friend, are in a spiritual battle!  The devil wants to destroy you just like he wants to destroy me and my family. He wants to knock us down and keep us down so we are useless for the Master.

Swoosh, goes the sound of my sword.

Do you have yours out too?

Top 16 Things Husbands Can Do To BUILD Their Marriage

Written by Eric Engle

1. Set boundaries that protect the marriage and family: (Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual) If you desire ‘The Marriage God Intended” you must be vigilant and constantly defining what influences you let into your marriage and family. I have seen many marriages weakened by putting up with seemingly well wishing Parents, Friends, and Coworkers who think that they have some place of influence in your family or marriage.
   

2. Work hard: (Sacrifice… do whatever it takes to provide for your family) I have seen men who cater to their own desires as an excuse for not doing whatever they need to provide for their families. God says that they are worst than an unbeliever!

3. Encourage her: (Encourage her with your words on a regular basis. The enemy is hard at work telling her that she is a failure.) Find out where she needs encouragement and spread it thick on a regular basis.

4. Tell her she is beautiful: (God doesn’t make junk. By the way… look in the mirror; you’re not getting any younger yourself.) Every woman wants to be beautiful. The more beautiful she thinks she is to you the more confident she will be to fulfill her role as your helper and your lover. See # 3.

5. Take the lead. (This is a God given responsibility and obligation, not a suggestion.) God has appointed you as the “Head of Your Household” and “Head of Your Wife” In our satanically feminized society it is cute for men to say “I’ll have to talk to the Boss”. I have one thing to say about that. Stop being weak minded and disobedient to God. For those the rest of you, make sure that you LEAD as Christ lead rather than acting as a ruler.

6. Go to battle for her: (This is where you enforce the boundaries that you have set.) In the event of an attack on your wife, DEFEND HER and be ready to go to battle for her no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel. Obviously this is a no brainer in the event of physical attack, but I’m referring to an emotional or spiritual attack. I have seen many marriages where the wife is attacked blatantly or many times subversively by the husband’s family and… even her own family and the husband stands silent. Any time, and I mean ANY TIME the husband does not defend her in such a situation; he has created a serious crack in their relationship. Because she has adopted the world’s attitude, she may say that she can fight her own battles, and it’s ok…she lying and she may not even know it. It is your responsibility to defend her PERIOD! See # 1.

7. Protect her: (The Bible refers to her as the weaker vessel. Stop Hiding under the covers. Although she may seem tough, it is your responsibility to protect her and the family, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.) In the event that you need to go to battle for her, you now need to apply the thoughts of # 1. Your marriage needs to be a strong fortress that is protected, never let your guard down.

8. Take her to bed and fulfill HER needs: (You are there for her as much as she is there for you. Don’t make the assumption that just because you are having sex with her, means that she is having sex with you.) Many women feel little more than a play thing in the bedroom. If you truly seek to know her and be one with her you will do your best to serve her needs before your own. If you have any disagreement in your marriage, it should be the disagreement of trying to serve each others needs.

9. Cherish her: (Like a special flower you hold in your hand. You hold the key as to whether she will bloom or wilt.) This is the key to her respecting you and allowing you to lead.

10. Search her heart: (Ask her questions to know her deeply. On a regular basis, ask her to rate your marriage on a scale of 1-10, and what you can do to raise the score) This question alone can help you make great strides to “becoming one” with her. It also gives her permission to share with you without reproach.

11. Listen to her: (Ask her about her day, her wins and defeats, how the kids treated her.)

12. Make sure the children respect her: (This not only sets the right order in the marriage, but also helps establish oneness between you and your wife.) Protect your marriage from even the kids.

13. Tell her you love her: (Husbands, you can never say this too much.)

14. Have a spiritual vision for your family: (What is the purpose for your faith as it relates to the family? It needs to be more than just making it to Heaven. That is where you should begin, not finish.)

15. Check priorities regularly and make sure they are in the right order: (1-God, 2-Wife, 3-Family, 4-Outside ministries, 5-Work, 6-Self)

16. Leave and cleave: (Do not let any outside influences; especially in-laws or parents come between you and your wife, or children. Well meaning parents, friends, or relatives can undermine your marriage if you are not vigilant and alert to these attacks, masked as loving advice) See #1

Top 14 Things Husbands Can Do to DESTROY Their Marriage

This list was written by my husband and I felt it might help others so I thought I would share it with you.

1. Don’t tease her: (Tread lightly here… make very sure that she does not just tolerate teasing, but that she enjoys it, otherwise don’t do it!) This seems to be a favorite past time for husbands. It is a big mistake. If you tell her that you are sorry, and stop doing it, especially when others are teasing her, you will see a big difference in her. She may say it is no big deal, but it is.

2. Don’t look at other women twice: (This speaks volumes to her self worth as she perceives it from her husband.) Men are visual. So when you see a pretty gal, don’t look at her again. This will tell your wife of your intentions toward her in a silent way. It will help solidify that you really do think she is beautiful.

3. Don’t speak about the attractive attributes of other women: (You are only tearing down what God has given you.) Many couples play this game of discussing who they have secret fantasies about or at the very least who they think is attractive. Let me say one thing to you… keep your mouth shut! If your wife asks you if you think so and so is pretty, this is your response. She’s ok I guess, but not as beautiful as you Hun.

4. Don’t talk down to your wife: (If you don’t think you do this, check again, you may be surprised.) Ask her if you ever do this, and don’t respond in anger after you hear the answer.

5. Don’t place standards on her that she cannot meet: (Ask her and she will tell you if your standards are too high…this may be different for each wife based on the number of children you have, her health, finances, etc.) Your wife already feels that she can’t do it well enough. The enemy is screaming in her ear “ You’re a failure!” She has a hard time ignoring the enemy, and it doesn’t help when you join him.

6. Don’t have friends of the opposite sex: ( Office, church, social circle.. When you marry your wife, she is to be the only woman that has access to your heart. The world says that you can still “be friends with women” “It’s innocent” Do not give place to what seems like an innocent friendship. The enemy is lurking and scheming to “Kill, Steal, and Destroy”)

7. Don’t treat her or the children harshly: (This will provoke her or your children to wrath and you will lose their hearts.)

8. Don’t micromanage her, or treat her like a child: (Trust in her, and allow her to express the gifts that God has given to her as a woman.)

9. Don’t make disparaging remarks, or comments about her body: (She has given birth to your children, and sacrificed herself to serve you and the family. Can you fit into your old high school jeans?…I didn’t think so!)

10. Don’t let her lead: (Be a man and step up to the plate! It doesn’t matter how stupid you think you are… God has a plan and it’s time you get on board. He knows what he’s doing. Remember - Lead like a Shepherd, don’t Rule like a Butcher.)

11. Don’t make her work outside the home: (From the beginning Mans’ curse has been to “Toil the field” not Woman’s. Unless you want your wife to contend with you, and act like a man, you will stay far away from mixing gender roles, and perverting what God has commanded with the enemy’s lie.)
    

12. Don’t place the children above your wife’s well being: In the world’s wisdom, the children are the focus of the family. “It’s all about the children” I see families focused on the children’s schooling, athletics, or needs and desires. This is a lie from the Devil that is tearing apart marriages. I have seen many marriages fall apart after the kids are gone because the foundation of a Godly Marriage was never there to begin with.

13. If you home school, don’t place the children’s academics above your wife’s well-being: (This is outside the order God has set up for the family, and will discourage your wife as well. The Bible is clear that children are a blessing to the parents and not the other way around. This will put you on the fast track of destroying your marriage for the sake of homeschooling.)

14. Don’t worship her: (The world deems this as a wonderful compliment. God hates this! This is outside Gods plan and it violates HIS commandment. Worship and serve HIM, and she will be served.)

Written by Eric Engle

Copyright, 2010