Run to Obtain an Imperishable Crown

Overachievement and perfection, accompanied with doubt and fear. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves as we homeschool our children. Looking back over your year, you will most likely ask yourself if you did enough. Did I teach my child enough math facts? Are my children becoming better readers and writers? What about science and social studies, did we do enough experiments and read an assortment of books? It is very natural and expected to assess how your year has gone. For the most part, this is a very healthy thing to do.  But sometimes we do it with the wrong perspective or our priorities are out of order and our assessment becomes inaccurate, and when that happens it is very common to feel defeated in our journey.  We often hear the saying, “Put first things first”. So, if you were to assess your year, what were your priorities and what did you put first? Did you place a higher emphasis on teaching your child her multiplication facts over training a rebellious heart?  Or did you work more on shaping your child’s heart towards Christ rather than writing. Perhaps your answer is both. But realistically, you know in your heart that you placed a heavier emphasis on one over the other. I know for myself that when my priorities change I find myself rushing through devotions and Bible reading so I can get to the ‘so called’ more important subjects. Although that is not my heart, it is how I have been conditioned by ‘the world’.  Yes, we want our children equipped so they can build the Kingdom of God and we want them to thrive in life, but there is always a cost to consider. “All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way.” Isaiah 53:6 It is a constant battle of our mind to continue to pursue Christ and His ways BEFORE all other things. We need to always remember what the Bible says, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33 In this verse, “all these things” refers to our basic necessities of life; food and clothing. Earlier in this passage Jesus said, “these are the things that the Gentiles seek after” and he rebukes his disciples as he tells them that “their Heavenly Father knows that they need all these things.” Will this passage still apply to our children when they are grown? Of course it will! However, it is very easy today in our society to get caught up in the ways of the Gentiles, but that is not how we would think or even speak to others as we purpose to educate our children.  In our minds we are educating them so they could further the kingdom of God and also so they could provide for their families. Our intentions are good and honorable, but God does not require your children to have minds filled with a bunch of knowledge, He is seeking men and women who have a heart after Him, like David. 'I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.'Acts 13:22 The Bible does not state that David was an educated man like Paul, so it is safe to assume that he was not. What the Bible does say about David is that he was a shepherd who tended and protected his flock of sheep from lions and bears; he had boldness as he approached the king, along with courage and faith as a young boy when he fought the giant, Goliath; and he was a servant as he played his harp to King Saul. This was David’s resume before he became the King of Israel! When you read Paul’s resume, most assuredly according to the world’s standards you would be impressed by it, Paul himself said, in Philippians 3:4 that “he was a man who had confidence in his flesh”, he goes on to say, ”But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Philippians 3:7 When you get to the end of Paul’s list of achievements, this is what he had to say about it, “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” Philippians 3:8  Paul knew what mattered most in his life. He spoke with authority about worthless pursuits.  Don’t lose heart or become discouraged if you feel that your children are not measuring up. Are your goals unrealistic or are your standards too high? Perhaps your children are excelling academically but your home life is a mess and you are losing your mind because of all the pressure you put upon yourself. Keep in mind the race that you are running. “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 As hard as this journey may be at times, be encouraged to know that you are running to obtain an imperishable crown, one with an eternal purpose. Your children will reflect the things that you pour into them so make sure that the things you pursue will last forever. God does not require your children to have a college degree in order to use them, but what He does require is their heart!

2010, The Year of the Terrier

The Year of 2010 in the Engle household

From the perspective of Scruffy, their dog

While I sit outside everyday and peer through the sliding glass doors of my house, I watch my owners and their children go through life, and the following is what I have witnessed over the last year…

They moved me to a new home.  They lost their old one, although, I hear Jolene say, “It is not lost, I know exactly where it is, besides, it was a temporary dwelling place, our permanent home is in Heaven and I know how to get there.” I happen to like my new home, there are lots of squirrels that come into my backyard that I chase every morning but I have yet to catch one!  So, do you know where your eternal home is?  “But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior.”  Philippians 3:20

I know my owners were saddened to move.  They experienced a loss of income because of the real estate market which resulted in the loss of their home which equated to broken dreams, frustration, heartache and worry as to where they would live. “And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head."  Matthew 8:20 My owners are thankful that the Lord has provided them with a place to lay their head.  I am thankful too; I even have a doghouse with a big fluffy pillow for my head!  It’s a nice pad; you should come over and see it some time.

Eric has had to sell many items and do what he can to make ends meet right now, but at least he still has enough money to feed me!  Although I have heard him talk about cutting out that expense as well!  I know it has been a real struggle for him to provide for his family, but I always hear Jolene tell him that she loves him and that the Lord is in control of their lives.  I am not sure what that means but they seem happy because after all, they never kick me!  Are you too struggling to make ends meet in your home this year?  "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?”  Matthew 6:26

I think Jolene needs to buy some new jeans because her old ones seem to be getting a little tight. I think she has gained about 5 pounds this year, although Eric doesn’t seem to notice.  I guess she should have eaten less of her food and given me her table scraps, if she had, she would have saved some money on my food bill too!  It’s a win-win situation for both of us! Hey, if you happened to gained weight too, remember what the Bible says, “For man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."  1 Samuel 16:7 I love my owner just the way she is, but I love her even more when she throws my toy!

My owners are still homeschooling the boys.  Seth is now in the 6^th grade and Noah is in the 4^th grade, although, their grade level is not too important to their parents.  Their desire is for the boys to be pleasing to the Lord and to grow in Godly wisdom.  The boys are so very different from one another.  One’s strengths is the other one’s weaknesses and vice versa.  Yet, I hear Jolene say, “Every child is gifted in their own way because they were made by the Creator of the Universe. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him.”  Genesis 1:27 “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”  Psalm 139:14 Although I am not made in the image of God, the Creator of the Universe did make me too and I have some pretty fabulous gifts.  You should see them!  I am lightening fast (although apparently not fast enough to catch one a those stupid squirrels.)

My family takes me on more walks now.  They say it is because Jolene’s health has improved after 10 long years of battling a chronic illness.  She gives credit to the Great Physician.  If you are sick perhaps you need to go see Him, I am sure He can help you feel better too.  But maybe you have gone to see Him and He has not healed you.  Paul the Apostle had a health problem too and he asked the Lord to remove the thorn in his flesh three times and God said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  2 Corinthians 12:9 If you are ill, I hope you boast in your infirmities too, just like Paul, and try to remember that God’s grace is sufficient for you!

Jolene told the boys the other day that there may not be many gifts under the tree this year, but there are many more above the tree if you just lift your head up and keep your eyes on the Lord!  She wanted to remind them of what matters most in their lives.  God is seated on the Throne in Heaven.  Many blessings will be poured out on them.  "For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants."  Isaiah 44:3

In spite of all the disappointments, hardships, obstacles and headaches that my family has experienced this past year, they are filled with joy and peace, although, they do become tired and weary at times!  I get tired too; it must be because I keep chasing those SQUIRRELS!  However, they have a hope within them because of their relationship with Jesus Christ.  He is the Lord of their lives and they try to live a life pleasing to Him in spite of their sinful nature, shortcomings, imperfections and failures.

So, did you happen to get kicked in your teeth this year?  Maybe you lost your job or your boss cut your hours and you don’t know how you are going to pay the bills?  Or perhaps is someone in your house always sick and the docs don’t know why and they never seem to help them?  Maybe you have a child who is always struggling with school work or worse, they are becoming more and more rebellious?  How about this one…you and your spouse are constantly at each other’s throats.  Depressing isn’t it?  Yes, I know all too well how difficult life can become, after all I am a dog!  “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.”  2 Corinthians 4:8-10.

Jesus Christ came to earth as a babe to offer hope, joy, peace, forgiveness and eternal life to all who accept Christ into their hearts. If you have yet to ask Jesus into your heart, will you do so this Christmas?  You won’t regret making this life-changing decision!  If you know Jesus, we hope you draw closer to Him in the coming year! "For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  "And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger."  Luke 2:11-12

Oh, I gotta go! I think I see a squirrel!

Merry Christmas,

From the Engle Family (Eric, Jolene, Seth, Noah and Scruffy)

Does God Know What He is Doing?

In the midst of homeschooling your children, tending to the responsibilities of the household, being a helper to your husband and dealing with relationships, when things go awry in your life do you ever wonder what is God doing?  Honestly, I know I have, many times in fact!

I often wonder where God is when I am teaching my child the same concept for what seems like the 100th time.  I wonder where God is when I am faced with persecution from family and friends as I choose to stand for my Christian beliefs as I live them out by teaching my children at home.  Then there are times I find my mind drifting to the place of its flesh when I think perhaps the Lord has forsaken me when the financial winds blow through my life like a hurricane that never seems to end.   Does God hear his daughter cry out to Him in the midst of my brokenness and pain?  Have you ever had those thoughts; times when you have thought, what is God doing in your life?

Years ago when I was a new believer in Christ, I came across the following verse in my Bible and I will have to admit that in my lack of biblical and spiritual understanding, I honestly thought this was the most ridiculous verse I ever read:  “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”  James 1:2-5 How in the world do you count a trial all joy, I wondered?  Not only did I wonder, but I scoffed at the verse.  Little did I know that 14 years later I would fully appreciate the depths of this verse and the wonderful wisdom that comes from it.  However, it has been a long process of grumbling and complaining on my part along the way!  In fact, here is another one of my not so favorite verses, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain. Philippians 2:14-16 Ouch!  Oh, how I fall so short.  But once again in God’s divine plan, He has a purpose for this verse in our lives as well.  If you read past the command, it says the reason why we should not complain and dispute; it is so we can be a beautiful example of a living testimony pointing others to Christ even in the midst of a trial.  In a nutshell, our lights are shining for Jesus when we do not complain.  This is a basic principle that we should teach our children as well.

Raising our children to be godly men and women and providing them with the tools they will need to function in society is a very difficult task.  It requires us to be the godly example first.  Now, it is much easier for me to be a godly example to my children when life is smooth sailing, but when tough times come, then that’s a different story altogether.  That is when my true character comes out!

When we are faced with trials, be it a struggling learner, character issues, tensions in relationships, financial difficulties, ongoing illnesses, persecutions, etc. we often see the trial in our lives as a negative thing rather than a positive one.  Human nature of course!  We don’t like pain, we want the offending issue to be removed from our lives as soon as possible so we will no longer be hindered to do what we want to do. I know in my mind I often think the ’trial’ that I am experiencing is causing me to lack something.  For example, for years it was my ongoing illnesses, I felt if I was healthy I could be more productive with my family and also in ministry.  I thought being more productive would be a good thing, yet I was lacking in the ability to do so, therefore, I saw my trial as something that was a deficit in my life rather than a benefit to my character.

Yet, God’s Word is clear, the trial was producing in me something that would make me perfect and complete, lacking nothing!   James 1:4 I could not see that at the time.  I could not see that the Lord was desiring of me to be God-reliant rather than self-sufficient.  God desires that of you as well.  He knows what struggles we will need to go through so we will be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. He knows what our children need to see us go through so their faith can be strengthened and so their Christian walk can start to develop or deepen depending on their age because at some point in their lives they will face trials too.  Will they consider it all joy when they face them?

So, do you feel forsaken because of what you are experiencing in life?  Do you feel ‘behind’ in homeschooling because of some recent life struggles?  Difficult times in parenting and shaping your children’s character?  Frustrations with teaching your children?  Are you cut out for this thing called, ‘homeschooling’?  The list can go on and on about what you may be dealing with right now but hold fast to the Truth of our Great Redeemer’s words, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

So, does God know what He is doing?  Absolutely!  He is sovereign and He reigns on high!  He is making sure you are perfect and complete, lacking nothing! Be filled with joy today and teach your children to do the same!

How to Raise Brilliant Children

Every homeschooling mom has the desire to raise children who will grow up to be wise and full of understanding.  We want our children to shine, excel and be successful, especially since we have devoted our lives to them as we poured into them academically.  Not only do we want our children to be filled with wisdom, but we want them to be able to function in society as adults and of course we want them to build God’s kingdom, but where does true wisdom and understanding come from and how do we make sure that our children will obtain it?  Does it come from reading various books or utilizing wonderful curriculum programs?  Would our children be filled with wisdom if they attended multiple field trips?  How about if they take an abundance of co-op classes?  What seems to be the logical answer to these questions is ‘yes’, at least that is what we are led to believe if we were raised in an educational system and/or just being a part of our society, but that is not the Truth.   If we look to the Bible as our authority, instead of society or our past educational experiences, we will find a different answer. 

The fear of the Lord is true wisdom.

In the book of Job, God is speaking to Job when He says, “The fear of the Lord is true wisdom; to forsake evil is real understanding." Job 28:28  At one point in Job’s life he had everything you could have ever asked for; many children, an abundance of wealth and possessions, plus good health.  If you just read the first chapter of Job and did not read any further, you would have thought that Job was a wise man because of all that he obtained.  As you read further, you find out the he was well-respected in society, which would equate in our minds that he was a man of influence; therefore a man of wisdom. Yet, God allowed all of Job’s children and his possessions to be taken away from him.  As wealthy as Job was, the Word of God says he obtained those things because …”he was blameless and He feared God.”  Job 1:1 If you continue to read further in the book, you will soon find out that Job is arguing with God about the situation he was in and finally the Lord rebukes him and then tells him, “The fear of the Lord is true wisdom.”  Job 28:28  In other words,  “Job, shut your trap.  You may have possessed many things, but “I Am” is here to tell you that it is not what you can obtain that makes you wise, but Who you fear.” (my paraphrase!) 

           
When I read that verse several years ago, I never applied it to my life as a homeschool mom.  As the years have gone by while I have taught my children, I could not help but wonder, worry and fret if I was covering everything they needed know and whether or not there were any ‘gaps’ in my children’s education.  Although I am still very conditioned by what I think I should be teaching my children and how much of it I should be covering, the Word of God is the Truth, regardless of what society says, or what type of education I have received, or what a well-meaning homeschooling publisher may have written.  What matters most is that our children will know the Truth and where true wisdom comes from and that it does not come from reading many books, etc., but by reading the One True Book and having fear of the One True God. 

            
Yes, there will be ‘gaps’ in my children’s education because I can not ‘do it all’ for there just isn’t enough hours in the day. So I choose to make sure that my children are brilliant, by being full of true wisdom and understanding before I teach them knowledge. "But where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding?”  Job 28:12  “Who has put wisdom in the mind?  Or who has given understanding to the heart?” Job 38:36  It all comes from the Lord.

            
The Bible speaks about Solomon being the wisest man that ever lived, he was a man of great wisdom and understanding.  When I think of Solomon, I could only hope that my children would one day have the wisdom that Solomon once displayed (until of course he rejected the things of the Lord because he chose to listen to his pagan wives and concubines.)  “ God said, "Ask! What shall I give you?" And Solomon said: "You have shown great mercy to Your servant David my father, because he walked before You in truth, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart with You; You have continued this great kindness for him, and You have given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is this day. So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?” 1 Kings 3:9  “So God replied, "Because you have asked for wisdom in governing my people and have not asked for a long life or riches for yourself or the death of your enemies- behold, I have done according to your words; see, I have given you a wise and understanding heart, so that there has not been anyone like you before you, nor shall any like you arise after you. 1 Kings 3:11-12

So how did Solomon become so brilliant and filled with wisdom, he asked the Lord for it, but did you notice in this passage that he also spoke of his father’s godly character?  As Solomon was growing up, he saw his father’s devotion to the Lord.  He saw how David handled difficult situations, trials and attacks, even the attack from his own son Absalom who tried to usurp his throne. David displayed the life of a godly man, so much so, that Solomon desired to live a life of devotion and servanthood to the Lord as a result of his father’s actions.  Because of David’s example of reverence for the Lord, Solomon asked God for wisdom.

            
We have an opportunity every day to teach our children how to be wise, but it begins with our example.  Do our children see us live our lives with the fear of the Lord?  Do they see us spending time in God’s Word on a daily basis?  Do they see us submitting to our husbands?  Are our priorities and activities God-honoring or are they worldly?  Where do we spend our time and our money, is it in one’s self and entertainment or in ministry? Do they see us protecting them from things or situations that God would deem as evil?   When we sin, do our children see us apologize and restore our relationships?  Those things matter; they will either show our children that we fear the Lord or that we don’t.     

            
Isn’t it nice to know that if we teach our children to fear the Lord our kids will receive wisdom?  Yes, it is that simple of a truth, however, the faith that it takes to embrace that thought process is huge and might be difficult to live on a daily basis.  We might have the tendency to keep going back to what we think we should be teaching our children.  There is nothing wrong with that, however, if we place a higher priority upon knowledge over wisdom, we could end up raising a fool who will spend eternity in hell, rather than a brilliant, wise child who will spend eternity in heaven.  I encourage you to spend your time on the wiser choice!

So, What Are You Going to be for Halloween?

My children are asked this question every year  during the month of October, (in fact, they were asked it again today!) and every year their response is, “We do not celebrate evil.”  Yes, that is a very strong response that I taught them at a young age.  I decided it was best to make a quick and straight forward statement and leave it up to the other person if they would like to ask us more questions about our beliefs.

Some Christians may feel that this response is too harsh or that participating in Halloween is no big deal.  But for me and my family, I believe as a Daughter of the King, I should take a stand for righteousness on that day because many Believers don’t.  In today’s society it is very difficult to be bold for fear of being rejected or by being judged by others, but regardless of the repercussions that we may face by ‘man’, we will ultimately stand before the Lord and have to give an account of what we did each year as October 31st came around.

We are set apart by God not just 364 days out of the year, but also on Oct. 31st as well.  I want my sons to know the fear of the Lord and realize that they were created to please Him. “But you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9). It may be hard to keep in mind what, we as Believers wrestle with, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12).

As my children came into this world, my husband and I had to make the decision about what to do with Halloween.  Should we participate in it or not?  Should our children go trick or treating or not?  Do they dress up or not?  How about attending church Fall Festivals as an alternative?  So, what we did was search the Scriptures to guide us in this decision making process and the one verse that we kept going back to is this, “Abstain from ALL appearance of evil.”  1 Thessalonians 5:22. So because of what the Word of God said, we have never had our children participate in the evil origins of the pagans practice of trick or treating.  “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him (1 John 2:15).

What we have done over the years was dress our children up in Bible costumes and attend church alternative festivals.  So why Bible costumes and not just regular costumes…So my children can learn to be the ‘light of the world ‘.  In Matthew 4:13, “We are called to be the light of the world.”, so that is what we have taught our children to do at a very young age when they were dressed up as Moses, holding the 10 Commandments, or Noah and all his animals, or as King David or a Shepherd.  By being dressed in Bible-themed costumes, it was my hopes that their witness would edify the saints or minister to the unsaved that we came across that evening and it always did!

When my boys get much older, we will some day open our doors for the neighborhood kids and hand out candy and Christian-gospel tracts, but for now, I still have little disciples that I am responsible for ministering to.  Their souls are still very sensitive to evil looking things/costumes, not to mention just being lured into by all of the darkness.  Of course they are exposed to the ghoulish-looking creatures and costumes that they see while out at stores, but I do not need to invite the appearance of evil (nor evil itself) to my front porch and the reason why is because my children are my first ministry, they come before me spending time ministering to the neighborhood kids that evening.

Hopefully by the time my children are in their teens, they will have received much knowledge and wisdom in the Lord and they will one day be prepared to minister to others on Oct. 31st.  “The fear of the Lord makes men turn from evil.”  Proverbs 16:6 Perhaps they will be serving at our church’s alternative to Halloween festival where an unsaved soul comes just for the candy but is really in need of a Savior.

I love what Romans 12:2 has to say, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  Romans 12:2 Maybe the Lord has been tugging on your heart this year about what to do with Halloween.  Meditate on this verse and pray for the Lord’s leading.  Find out ‘what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God’ for you and your family this coming October 31st.

We live in this world but we are not of it, so as my boys grow in wisdom and discernment from year to year, we assess what is best for their spiritual growth as to what we will or will not participate in on October 31st.  I am sure you will be faced with the same decision as well.

So what will you do with that day?  I would love to read your comments.

Shine!

Uncertainty in Difficult Times

My son asked me this morning if we could take a day off from our usual homeschooling schedule and I laughed and said no.  However, the Lord had a different plan in mind for my family today.  He felt it was best for us to spend some time in the Emergency Room!

My Beloved, Eric, woke up this morning doubled over and writhing in pain.  Shortly after he was vomiting, so off to the hospital we went.  This incident is very unusual for us because Eric is the healthy one in the family.  He is the one that is usually sitting by my bedside when I am in the hospital.  But today was his turn to be the patient.

By the time we showed up at the hospital, his back pain radiated over to his side and down his groin.  When I heard that information, I knew it was a kidney stone.  A few minutes later we were greeted by the ER’s Triage Nurse who happened to be the husband of an old friend of ours.  I knew in that minute that the Lord was greeting us and ushering us through this experience with one of His servants.   As the man started to treat my husband, he was surprised by Eric’s low heart rate so he ordered an EKG.  A few minutes later they had to hook him up to oxygen and then the doctor ordered a CAT Scan.  I was surprised by how my husband’s body was reacting all the while I am sitting there thinking about the worse case scenarios about his condition, so I prayed that it would be JUST a kidney stone and no other serious conditions.

As the time ticked away, I could not help but think about the financial ramifications that this trip to the ER would bring to us.  You see, we have no health insurance because we can not afford it.  For several years now we have been trusting the Lord to provide for us in all aspects of our lives, and time and time again, God has proved faithful to us.  So why did I doubt that He would provide for us in this moment?  I am not sure why, perhaps I was acting on my feelings and not resting in the Word of God.

I later contacted my dear friend who was watching my children.  In the midst of my phone conversation, I broke down in tears and my voice quivered as I gave her an update on my beloved.  I asked her to pray and to tell others to pray for him as well.  I headed back into the hospital and waited for Eric to come back from his CAT Scan.  Moments later, my stomach began to growl since I did not have much time to eat breakfast.  I sat there wondering if the hospital’s cafeteria had anything gluten free that I could eat, but then thought that even if they did, I did not have any money to purchase it.  Oh well, I thought, I guess today would be the day I would lose a few unwanted pounds!

Later, we got word from the doctor that everything was fine and that Eric just had a kidney stone, I was very relieved.  As we walked out of the patient’s area and into the waiting room, a friend of mine showed up and said, “I brought you a gluten free lunch!”  I could not believe she was standing in the Emergency Room doing this.  She took the time out of her busy life to minister to us.  The Lord always knows what we need even down to the smallest details!  The ‘Great I Am’ sent this beautiful, godly woman just to minister on our behalf!  I was grateful.

As we were leaving, I received 2 prescriptions that Eric would need to have filled.  I sat there just staring at them wondering how we would afford it.  Within minutes, Our Most High God sent in another one of His servants to minister to us.  Our friend asked Eric how he was doing and the next thing I know, this  man of God took the prescriptions from me and said he was going to drop them off, get them filled and pay for them!  I was astonished.

Jesus was there with me as I walked through the uncertainty.  His presence was very evident.

No matter the circumstances that you are in, remember that Christ is your Rock and Comforter just like He was mine today.  He will not leave you nor forsake you.  He is walking with you as you go through those difficult and uncertain times as well.  Don’t lose heart.

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Ps 18:2

From Failure to Fruit

It’s almost mid-October and school is in full swing.  For my family, I school my children year round because that has been the only way for me to survive this homeschooling lifestyle!  “No”, I don’t do it because I think my children should always be learning so they can be ahead of everyone else!  I started doing this when my eldest started the second grade.  Originally, my homeschooling schedule was set up just like a traditional school year, but God had other plans for our journey and I am so thankful that He did because He ALWAYS knows what is best for us!  Let me tell you why….

I am a type-A personality; a determined, over-achiever who is borderline obsessive-compulsive along with being highly focused.  Now, this personality may sound wonderful if I was on a job interview for a fortune 500 company, but that is not what I was created for.  Just like you, I was created to be a wife and mother.  And just like you, we have both embraced the biblical commands to raise our children in the Lord, thus, that is why we homeschool.

God decided it was best for my personality to be a chronically-ill wife and homeschool mom for almost a decade.   For a good 10 years of my life I felt like a constant failure as I attempted to school my boys.  What I was physically capable of doing did not line up to what I was mentally capable of, therefore, I felt defeated everyday that I attempted to train, teach and raise up my children.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4 I walked through the ‘valley’  as early as when my babes were in my womb up until just last year.  It saddens me to this day to know that I honestly don’t remember much of my time of being a young mommy raising up her little boys.  Health wise, I am now at the point where I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel yet the chronic pain and the constant inability to teach my children and what I thought they should be learning was overwhelming.  My eyes well up with tears just thinking about what I physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually endured.  The pain is still so real.  Even though I feel that I lost many years of my life and I did not ‘school’ my children enough, my God in all of His sovereignty knew exactly what I needed so I would choose the better part of homeschooling and not get caught up in all the non-essentials.

You see, as an overachiever, I would have had my children down the path of being filled with as much knowledge as time would permit.  Now there is nothing wrong with knowledge, but if it is absent of God’s wisdom, then it is a futile pursuit; a pursuit that I would have embraced all for the sake of ‘homeschooling’.  God literally forced me through my brokenness of an unhealthy body to choose the better part of what to pour into my children.  For most of our young days of schooling, much of my time was spent teaching my children about godly character, them learning to obey their parents and simple Bible stories.  There were a few days during the weeks and months when I would be able to add in teaching them to read, count, etc. but those days were not often!

During the many years in the valley, I was often reminded of the story of Mary and Martha when Jesus came to their house for dinner.  “And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?  Therefore tell her to help me.” And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:39-42 Had I had a healthy body filled with normal energy, I would have been like Martha, but my heart’s cry was to be like Mary who sat at Jesus’ feet.

When I would read God’s word about raising up children in the Lord and training them to obey their parents and teaching them wisdom, etc., of course I would do all of that to the best of my abilities, yet, because I could not add all of the other subjects, like reading, writing, math, etc. to the extent that I wanted to, I felt like I was failing my children and ultimately disappointing my Lord.  However, because I believed God’s Word for what it said, that was where I put my emphasis.  I chose the better part, but honestly it was because of my brokenness that I clung to the Lord and I thus I decided with the small amount of energy I did have, I would teach my children what mattered most; the fear of the Lord and godly wisdom.

So fast forward to today…

My eldest will be 11 years old next month.  He is now in the 6th grade.  We started this school year the first week of July and I have been able to teach my children many of the ‘academic’ subjects.  In fact, I have been able to teach them more in the last 4 months than what I have been able to teach them in the last 2+ years!  I am actually amazed at God’s faithfulness.  (O, ye of little faith!)  All those years when I felt like a failure, God is now showing me the fruit that has taken root in the lives of my children.

Perhaps you are faced with a chronic illness and you are contemplating putting your children in school, I implore you not too!  God has a plan for your life and the life of your children, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11 For years, many of our so-called homeschooling days were spent with me just keeping my children at home away from the negative influences.  Life was filled with daily responsibilities along with instilling in them godly character.  They were still better off at home even if I did not teach them anything other than the Word of God and I have the proof today of the fruit that is growing in their hearts!

Maybe you don’t have an illness that you are dealing with but perhaps it is a financial hardship or a difficult relationship, a job change or loss, etc. that you feel is hindering your ability to homeschool….I encourage you to change your perspective and remember the reason why you chose to keep your children at home in the first place.  If it is godly character that matters most to you then GOD HAS YOU RIGHT WHERE HE WANTS YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!  Let Him do His work in your life and the lives of your children.

As tears come down my face as I look back over the years, my sense of failure comes from me not fulfilling MY PLANS for homeschooling my children.  Although I think I know what is best for my children, I am not sovereign.  God, who is the GREAT I AM is fulfilling His plans for the lives of my family.

He is also fulfilling His plans for your family as well.  Perhaps you need to put your eyes on the Lord more or maybe your need to change your focus or reason for homeschooling your children.  “Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” Psalm 55:22 Remain steadfast and be determined to teach your children godly wisdom, you will eventually see the fruit.  “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. “By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.  John 15:7,8

God answered that prayer of mine to be like Mary, yet, had He told me it would come through a trial like the one I experienced, I am not sure that I would have embraced it!  Even in the midst of what I thought was failure, God was producing in me godly fruit as well as my children.  I assure you He will do the same with you as well!